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How should I reply to bad behavior?

Please be very careful when you reply to bad behavior, because in such replies even a mildly bad comment can get hidden for contributing to escalating aggression. A good reply, however, will often be rewarded for helpful attitude.

Always keep in mind that the misbehaving person may be a child. a socially handicapped person, or somebody else who just can't figure out what's expected of him. An amazingly large number of people have this problem and can't get any help. An explanation suitable for these people will work beautifully for most other people too.

Therefore, explain with a calm, helpful attitude, giving very concrete, specific advice. You're not reprimanding, you're explaining, helping. If there are several different problems to explain, choose one, maybe two, the most important. Often it's a good idea to start and end with something positive, like a welcome, a thank you for trying to contribute, etc.

People who misbehave on purpose may feel that you're being sarcastic and talking down to them. Take consolation in that if they're eroding your patience. Still, that's their own interpretation. You're still being calm, positive and genuinely helpful if the person needs it.

Some habitual misbehavers may even be thrilled to finally meet people who consistently show a friendly, respectful attitude. They may decide to be respectful in return. When people find themselves surrounded by calm, mature people, many will want to show that they too can be calm and mature.

When we reply in this way, some people will warn us that the misbehavers are trolls and we are encouraging them by "biting", or the misbehavers themselves may display great hilarity saying that they are trolls and got us to bite. Let them laugh. Troll hilarity won't hurt us. We have to defend our site, and calmly helpful answers work fine, since they prevent escalations. But it's important to answer only the first few times. If they keep at it, it's important to calmly hide the annoyance and turn to other things.

Examples of this type of reply (not necessarily replying to bad behavior): Strange (More to follow...)

If you have questions or opinions about this subject, welcome to Site Talk, where we discuss such things.